Watch out Women!

Despite the world changing, power of politics shifting, old icons replacing, new vehicles entering-there are old norms which are holding their grounds quite firmly. One that is still holding strong, are the mindsets of our women, shockingly even the younger lot.
Few reminders to the people of my tribe, irrespective of age, caste and creed:
• Just because you’re a woman, things won’t come easy to you. In the corporate world, women need to work equally hard with the men around so you can’t complain of cramps, devilish in-laws, unsympathetic husband etc. to win sympathies. Don’t even think about opening your personal problems at work. You’ll win their attention but you can’t win a promotion.
• You have every right to date and dump men till the point you would like to commit to someone. You have every right to explore your physical self and it simply doesn’t mean that whoever you sleep with should be the same person you wake up to for the rest of your life. There needs to be better reasons for you to stay committed to someone till the end.
• Start a family only when you’re ready. Doesn’t matter if your parents are ready, your in-laws are pushy; your neighbours are waiting or even when your partner uses protection reluctantly. Because you’ve to be ready for it. Afterall the kid is going to come out of your body and will need your time, space. Others are there to help but can’t shoulder the entire responsibility. Be sensible, use precautions, avoid accidents and take all the time you want. Age is a constraint agreed but then medical science has advanced and delivered miracles. And most important, if you don’t want to be a mother, it’s absolutely okay not to have a maternal instinct.
• When you have age on your side, the world is kinder to you. As you grow older, the world starts changing. And why the world, look inside, your body won’t be the same either. The wrinkles will gain prominence along with weight. Exhaustion will fall upon much quickly than before. So think of the future and plan ahead. Plan for your health, financial security and even the people you would like to grow old with.
• We are bad with numbers. We are extremely ignorant of various investment plans. Little we know and we don’t even want to know more, increasing our dependencies on men. But remember, nobody is indispensible. Get worldly-wise and get acquainted to the basics atleast to save yourself of trouble.
• Life is unpredictable. Today, there is somebody to pay your bills but what if tomorrow changes? So get equipped with education and pursue a career. Working isn’t about making money all the time but the satisfaction of making your own is beyond words. Never be with someone who stops you from getting financially self-sufficient.
• No man can bring you happiness. Happiness is within us and no external force can empower us to feel happy. Do things that make you happy. Be with people who make you laugh. Most important, you need to have a life and you can’t cling on to someone to give you one. So find your passion apart from work and keep some time for it, no matter how busy you get. Because if you ain’t happy how can you make others happy?
• You can’t make everyone happy so learn to deliver less and train people to expect less from you. Because we have a bad habit of committing more and then stressing beyond to deliver our commitments. In delivering those, we lose ourselves and fall last on our priority list.
• Never work in double shift at work and home. If you can’t manage, ask for help because only if you do, will you get some help. And it isn’t wrong to ask for help. Even Gods asked help from each other whenever they got stuck, remember?



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City of extremes

The weather in my city is extreme. Too hot to handle in summers and too cold to chill out in winters. Just like the temperament of the people here. I finished my education and a major part of life, here. A lot has changed since then just like my life.
I was born in a town that oozed of laziness (not any more though). A major chunk of my childhood was spent in the wilderness of tea gardens where elephants and leopards would greet us often. While a pair of snakes, maybe mates, were esteemed family members who refused to leave the ancestral home. They made their presence in every possible corner and had a fascination towards human nudity. Very often in the middle of a shower when you’re in your true elements, you would find them admiringly staring at you. You would freeze but dare not get out of the bathroom because you couldn’t risk go anti-culture. Nudity in our tradition is a big no even if means dying of snake bite in an isolated corner. I grew up amongst the wild, leaving a deep impact on my personality and hair. No matter what I do or where I am, both are impossible to be tamed.
Coming to the present, my city has changed drastically. The people taking cue from the weather has gone extreme. Crimes have gained an unprecedented popularity especially that relates to women. Rapes have gained a record-breaking high, so much so, that our conscience refuses to shock us every morning when we read one. We are so used to the lapse of security for our women. Maybe criminals are bored too committing other crimes, so when bored they just commit rape and more rape. Nothing is a bar to them, not even age. All that matters is that you are a member of the weaker sex and you have private parts too vulnerable to be violated.
Funny thing is that it isn’t about rape too. One mere look is sure to pierce your soul and send shivers down your spine. If you’re lost and stop to ask for direction, one look is sure to make you feel unsafe and automatically prayers starting coming to your lips. By evening, when the sun sets in, there is a sudden rush to reach safe venues else your dear ones are on the edge till you reach. Because gone are the days that security came with a male companion. It is just not enough if you have an escorting male member because both of you know that predators can attack, anytime. And frankly, numbers do count, how can He help you if he has to fight against a group of wild men? We are wise to know that those things happen in movies and not in real life. So though we profess of equality at all levels, there are no equal hours for working women. As we reach the wag end of the day, there is a natural rush to finish or delegate the task and it doesn’t have anything to do with competency.
The men of my city are naturally endowed with raging hormones and X-ray eyes which if put to good use can change the fate of our nation. But, the law enforcing forces are finding it hard to harbor the energies to better use. Even harsh court verdicts don’t deter their spirits. Wonder, how to handle them.
The language too has become harsher just like the temperament. People don’t know how to touch your heart and all they do is hurt you with words. They are ready to throw choicest of abuses at you, at the slightest excuse. And if you’re vocabulary is limited in terms of abuses, brush up else it might be difficult to decipher what most people talk here. Older days, abuses were liberally used by the uneducated aka the drivers, maids, slum dwellers but now they are embraced by all irrespective of age, caste, profession or whatever. Don’t be surprised by its liberal use among colleagues and clients.
It’s been a while that I’ve moved back but I’m yet to be greeted with a true homecoming feeling. Dear city and its people, if you’re reading, I sincerely request you to not change anymore because not all change is for better.

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Are you social?

A charming, successful and influential lady decided to end her life. She had everything you could aspire for. A career inside the boardrooms making pertinent decisions, a handsome husband with an upwardly mobile political graph, a charisma that took her to places. Yet, something terribly went wrong, something that triggered the decision to call it quit. What happened exactly is for the media to assume and for us to come to our own conclusions. However, the sad part is that a life ended and even after the end, there isn’t any dignity in her demise. Various news channels are running talk shows on speculation and making news of her failure.
How many of us do realize that what failed is the right to privacy? How many of us acknowledge the fact that it could happen to anyone? This is the outcome when you go public with your internal affairs. Instead of sitting together and discussing the problems, mistake was made by choosing a social website with millions of followers to follow your marital discord. I don’t know what would have been the best way because I don’t know the whole story and neither am I an expert on internal affairs. Perhaps the old school way could have saved one life. Not everything new is good nor everything old is uncool.
Now, is the era of going public and posting smallest of your feelings on social websites. Because this is the age of information so everybody in your friend-list is bound to know what you’re feeling today. Social websites openly ask “what’s in your mind” and we oblige with answers as personal as heartaches, headaches, stomachaches etc. Moreover, we take pride in posting our status messages rather than facing the problems. Life has become an open book for all to peep in. The world ought to know whom you date, whom you hate, what you ate even your decision to pro-create. Shocking, such is our age!!
People who refuse to keep it personal and don’t have an account in the various websites are branded unsocial and weird. Real friends are quickly getting substituted by online friends whom you haven’t met. You discuss problems openly with strangers and chat for hours without even meeting them once. And most of us are absolutely okay with it. Because who has the time to meet an old friend over tea/coffee? We are too busy to make time for people who know us well. Life has gone too practical and support comes online. Be it an educational degree or grooming tips or medical help, the world can be found over the net. Therefore, instead of old friends to catch up, it is more convenient to type for company. Afterall, it is completely acceptable to be unsocial and be social at the same time. But do think, could the technical process of exchange of mails ever substitute a warm hug from your dear ones? Or a smiley depicting a kiss, kiss away your sadness?
The way things are, it wouldn’t be surprising if in an interview you’re asked about how many friends you have, all you do is count names on the friend list and spell out the figures. Hey, so what if we haven’t met but you’re name features on my list. So what if I don’t know whether you exist at all but all that is important to me is your name, which features in my account. Now, it could be a pen-name or a pseudo name, who cares, as long as you respond with a ‘hi’ to my chats.
We proclaim that we are God’s best creation. We have tamed technology to our advantage. We rule this world and other animal species have to abide. We have created clones and even tried our hands being God. But we tend to forget that we are “animals” after all, most importantly “social animals” and we need our peers to make us continue living. That technology can’t replace human touch no matter how smart it gets.

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Aunty?

“Aunty” is certainly one of the most dreaded words in the dictionary of women, especially the ones touching mid-life. Lots have been said about a man’s mid-life crisis but very less about their counterparts. Let me confess that women, too, go through a mid-life crisis. And why not ain’t we human?
In a country known for its diversity, one thing that remains unchanged is our mindset towards women, well most. A woman the minute she ties the knot of holy matrimony, giving up most things dear to her, even her maiden name at times, is termed as “aunty”. It doesn’t matter how old is she or the caller maybe ten times older than her. What matters is the fact that she is married, given up her singledom and so has to embrace stereotypes. A married woman has no right to be young or be hep to be addressed by something else. As for rest of the singles, reaching their mid-thirties needs to be woken up to the realization that their shelf-life is really short. Hence, the world of India voluntarily takes up the responsibility of doing the needful and keeps calling her “aunty”. The word has perceived such a negative connotation that one of the hit numbers in Bollywood screams “aunty” and continues cribbing that she will call the authorities because she is too old to have fun. The perception makes people believe that “aunties” are incapable to party, party hard and have lots of fun. While the truth is just the opposite, women of that age are great to be with, else why do you think younger men die to catch their attention?
What you don’t realize is the damage done to the confidence of the woman being addressed. She has enough to fight away from blunt colleagues, critical bosses, unsympathetic family and blah blah. And to add on to the pressure, you’ve burdened her with age even before it actually strikes her. Because, the reality is women get better with time just like old wine.
There is a beauty in age. We grow more graceful, sensible enough to know that you can’t change your shape and colour, successful with career and money, and acquire a stability of the mind that makes us more attractive to younger men. And the day you realize it, life becomes so beautiful. Admiring eyes will follow you everywhere and compliments will come pouring by. The trick is to be yourself and stop fitting on teenage clothes. Let the laughing lines shine proudly rather than conceal them in layers of compact. Let go of the fad diet and accept the body you’ve been blessed with. And most important, turn deaf to people who address you with any other name apart from your maiden one. Your deafness will make them change.
Remember, “aunty” isn’t a word to be frowned at. Those who use it for you are the lesser blessed ignorant lot, they ain’t have a clue about the charm of forties and upwards. They still haven’t heard about the term “cougar”.

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M is a word!

The daily newspaper quoted an incident of a famous celebrity recommending her son to another, not for business but business of the heart. In simpler terms, wants her son to date her recently single colleague with a kid.
Wow! Wish the same could happen to our mothers in India. Because many relationships still break in the country as the mother refuses to give her approval. And this is not typical of the middle class but celebrities too. A mother always finds her creation-the very best and nothing but the best would work for her child. This is a universal fact, more so in India where mothers are difficult to please. Gone are the days when only women had to work hard to win the approvals. These days even my opposite sex isn’t spared of the extra work like the recent example of a colleague who refused the guy (after three years of being together) as her mother didn’t like him.
So, guys and gals if you want to take your relationship to the next level, be very prepared to keep the mother of your partner in your good books. Gift her, run errands for her, accompany her, learn a new skill or even drench her with compliments…do what you can to win her on your side. If you do the hard work in the beginning, chances are you’ll sail through any problem with her being the captain of your ship. The fathers are the head of an Indian family but they are pretty powerless within their household. When they can’t win for themselves you just can’t expect them to lead a campaign for you. Before you criticize the fathers, don’t forget your own. Has your dad ever been able to work his decision without the support of his wife (your mom)? Remember, when he needed his wife’s support to grill you in school? If you were your mommy’s favourite then one look of hers would render him forgetting his much rehearsed line to reprimand you, remember?
Take lessons from your own household and use it to your best. Mother is more important than the father, life says so. Many people have been able to reduce the “mother-in-law menace” stereotype with sheer common sense and team building exercises. They might forget to remember the important dates in their lives but sets series of reminders to remind the prominent dates in the mother-in-law life. They diligently call her, buys gift and even take them on abroad holidays to keep her on their side.
The fact is that our mother India isn’t so cool about your choice of partner, the reason behind most television soap operas depicting hostile characters which are extremely popular too. The day mothers are won maybe these soap operas will stop scaring us. Maybe this is a good incentive for you to work on your relationship with your partner’s mother, if everything else has stopped you from trying anymore. Think of the greater good, a nation spared the monotony of over-decked, manipulative and shrewd portrayal of mothers-in-law in the mass media, which is just too much to digest. So be sacrificing and work towards a better nation!


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Remember me?

“What is your number?” a known face asked. My memory loss is legendary and sometimes I am at a complete loss. Like the fact that despite my best effort I just can’t remember the name of the person who asked for my number. Now, coming to my answer, I was about to oblige with the ten digits but then something happened. I just couldn't remember the number at all, I tried not once but thrice. But I just couldn't and had to take the help of a colleague who checked his phone to pull out my number. So much for my personal number?
Growing old, my biggest worry is that there might be a time when I’ll struggle to remember most things. I keep forgetting passwords at the drop of my hat. I forget directions; I fumble for names that should be on my finger-tips. Once, I even forgot my mailing address and goofed up with my neighbour’s address. Result was that he received the all important packet and the good thing was that he wasn't around. Hence, the packet lay orphaned at his letter box from where I sniffed it out. Gosh!
But there are some people who are exceptions in remembering details like my grandma who being not-so-educated still remembered every little bit in the lives of the people around. She was a living “Just Dial Service” for things varying from bus route numbers, birthdays, anniversaries, phone numbers blah blah. An attribute well-picked by her daughter and my mom, now. She is oh-so-good at remembering things and keeps sending me reminders through smses, phone calls or whatever she could think of , just to make me wish important people. Still, I fail her most times so much so that once I forgot my own birthday and when she wished me, all I asked, “Why today?”
On the contrary, me her progeny has failed to inherit this attribute of hers. I am so bad that often I can’t find things that I've kept safely, somewhere. Just because I don’t remember where I've kept them and so have no clue about their whereabouts. The day I accidentally bump into those, I am the happiest because I had lost almost all hope of ever finding them back.
Wish people had more empathy towards lost cases like me. More awareness has to be generated about the fact that people like me don’t forget, intentionally. Rather we make all the extra effort to remember, but we are less gifted and just ain't good at remembering. We mean no harm and neither are we careless. Our memory pulls us back and creates a blank spot that renders us helpless.
So next time you shoot a question, give me some time. And if still fail to remember, please don’t get mad.


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How long?

The other day, when I bumped into a popular Bollywood song picturized on a reel couple, I just couldn't help than notice the team effort made to make the leading lady look shorter than her hero. The hero (a coveted superstar) was made to wear shoes that would add height and even made to stand on a stair while his lady was happily dancing behind. All this and much more to add length to the stature of the leading man.
I couldn't help but wonder about the stereotypes we are tuned to live with. What difference does it make if the man in a relationship is of a shorter height than the lady he is with? Why is it always so essential to look out for a woman who stands short, if you are a man or vice versa? The west has come out of this cliché, pretty well. Celebrities and commoners have broken this trend by walking confidently, shoulder-to-shoulder, with their taller/shorter partners. The men don’t wear heels to give them a high neither do the women walk with a hunch to camouflage their height.
Whereas, we in India, still struggling to break free. Even if such a couple is absolutely comfortable with each other, they become a public joke. They shouldn't be together because they ain't what you are used to looking at? Common, we all can find sensible excuses better than that!
I remember, a classmate of mine had parents who weren't as per set height-standard and hence the other parents wouldn’t stop from cracking a joke at them. Then, I was too young to decipher the social norms and now, when I’m old enough I wonder, “what’s the big deal, folks”.
The age difference between couples could be scientifically justified (to some extent). Women mature faster in their minds are what the wise claimed but what is the logic behind the height factor? Is it a practical position if the woman is shorter when in bed, does it get convenient for the man to please a woman shorter than him? Or is it just for the cosmetic purpose, looks good or symmetrical that way? Whatever be it, I strongly see no point to the height gap. Should love hit you with the stringency of terms and conditions apply? Just like numerous sale offers that run in multiples to boost their market share and if you look closer there is a section in fine print saying “terms & conditions apply”.
Our love certainly isn’t a commodity on sale and hence shouldn't have any conditions attached to it. Relationships are too personal and entirely the prerogative of two people involved. We applaud their success and some good souls cry at their failures too. But certainly we don’t have the right to laugh at people who chose to held their hands together and walk side by side despite the height difference. As long as they are happy, so be it and why should we stare to announce our disapprovals over their choice?
The same time, I wish, we refrain from portraying the much-taller-macho-man who goes through series of personal atrocities to keep looking taller in front of the already tall woman. As to the entire theatrics of the spicy Hindi numbers, who would mind? Would you?

Veg vs. Non-veg

Food is more than just a necessity for most of us. And those who have surpassed the lust for good food could become saints. Most of us can’t and we live in our mortal desires for more. The categorization of vegetarian and non-vegetarian food is the subject vastly spoken about. I am a mortal being too and hence wouldn’t refrain from dwelling on the same topic.
The ardent followers of the two categories are always eager to eat up each other’s peace. The battle is potent enough to lead to the next World War Three. Vegetarians proclaim their food to be the best while non-vegetarians belittle them as being feeble hearted.
Even cricketers are dragged into their choice of food. “Where will he get the protein to hit a sixer if he eats only cottage cheese?” the non-vegetarian fan concludes. Some food fanatics are so extreme that they decide to attend a party depending on what is offered. “Who will go all the way to eat grass and plants?”many non-vegetarians lament.
Vegetarians take their own share in ridiculing the non-vegetarians. They refuse to share their table with a non-vegetarian and often refuse to share their lives, too. “Is that food, all flesh and bones?” vegetarians claim with disgust. Many landowners refuse to rent out their space to non-vegetarians just on the basis of their eating preference. Many matrimonial sections openly advertise about suitors looking for pure vegetarians minus onion-garlic combinations in their diet. Many potential friendships are broken on this issue. Many relationship hit rock bottom because one partner forces the other to make a choice as per their dictates. They crib and bully the other to eat and the weaker ones succumb keeping a deep grudge against the other.
When the world has moved on, why can’t we just move on from being a vegetarian or a non-vegetarian? Why can’t it be a matter of choice depending on personal taste buds? And let each decide what suits them best. Why force your partner or your loved ones to choose between you and the food he/she likes? Certainly, there is more to life than just food. So, why make such a big deal out of it?
The first weekend of a new year is around the corner. Till then live, love and eat on your own terms.


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Getting started

Today is my first working day of this year. Most of us are busy making plans and resolutions to make the most of the year ahead. I am no different. I am planning to make my mark too. My resolution list is getting longer. And I have the right intent to keep working on each one of those.
I resolve to:
• Let go of the past and learn from it
• Make fresh mistakes and not keep repeating the old ones
• Become a better person who isn’t afraid to break the norms
• Get more disciplined in life and work
• Do a better job than last year
• Master the balancing act between office and home
• Love more and not be afraid to express it because I’m pretty bad at it
• Lead a full life without thinking too much of the consequences
• Be patient with my loved ones
• Try to be more number-friendly
• Write, write and write
• Travel as much as I can to places I haven’t
• Learn a new art which has nothing to do with my profession
• Be happy only then can I spread happiness around me
• Be bold enough to admit my mistakes and apologize
• Never take anyone for granted because I know the pain of being one
• Be fair (not skin-wise because that’s unchangeable) to people around me
• Lastly, fulfill every resolution I've noted down
Life usually doesn’t give you a second chance. I've been lucky to have one and so I intend to make the most of this chance. Living life is not a chore but a privilege only we have. I wish for a peaceful year for me. A year that I will remember with fond memories and beginning of a great friendship with life.


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