Mommy...take me along

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I walked alone holding myself,
I cried and prayed just by myself.

The days won't end, the nights grew long.
The smile didn't last, the pain drew long.

I was alone, so alone among my very own.
Living without a reason to smile.
And no arms to hold me tight.
No eyes waiting to meet mine.

Just when the pain was too much to bear.
Just when I had decided to quit.
Just when my tears refused to dry.
Just when I felt lonely amidst the familiar sounds.

You came along to find me standing all alone.
You held my hand and took me home.
Home that I've never known.
Home that I could call my very own.


From then you are my only one.
One who taught me to breathe again.
One who taught me to love again.
The world became happy just then once again.

Not a happy story!

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Just the other day, I witnessed the end of another love story.
Where the boy and the girl fell in love.
Got married and were living happily.
But just before ever after, they parted ways.

He fell in love with somebody else.
She fell in love with her work.
He had no time for her.
She had no time for herself.

Both worked hard.
One to keep someone happy.
Other to keep the pocket happy.
Soon they lived. Happily apart.

Is this how love stories end these days?
Is this how life was meant to be these days?
Is this what love means today?
Will living happily ever after...fall true today?

Pray, else life will not be the same today or any other day...

The unclaimed

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Just the other day she was born.
Just the other day she was told that she is a woman.

To live for others is what she was born for.
To serve others was what was expected of.

She spoke when she was asked to.
She laughed only when she was told to.

Others lived life.
While she merely survived.

No day was different from the day just gone.
Each day saw her being eaten one by one.

Every body wanted a piece of her.
But not one wanted to heal the wounds.

Soon she forgot she was a woman.
Soon she learned that her body smelled.

Of the filthy eyes that stripped her.
Of the lusty men who touched her.

She gasped for breath.
She prayed for death.

And today is the day when she is gone.
And today is the day when she lies unclaimed.

Amidst the madness of the business.
Along with the many to meet such silence.

For Friends

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“Does this bus go to the Station?”, the young girl asked to the middle-aged lady. The lady just had the time to nod her head in affirmative as she was busy getting in herself. The girl followed her.
As they both got in, the lady grabbed the only vacant seat for herself and sat down. The girl stood standing next to her carrying a heavy looking shoulder bag. Their eyes met and they exchanged a smile.
“Give me your bag, I'll hold it for you,” the lady asked. And ever since that day, many days have passed the lady holding her bag. The age-gap between them never stopped them from having hearty conversations. Every morning they would wait for each other at the bus stand. If one didn't arrive at the usual time, the other would get anxious. Next morning would never forget to inquire about the reason for absence. If one went on a holiday or a long leave, would never forget to inform the other. Every day they greeted each other with a broad smile and the conversations would easily led them to their respective destinations in no time.
Life was going at its usual pace. They became what you may call 'bus-friends', caring for each other in the over crowded buses. Making way for each other and adjusting for each other. Everything just happened naturally, effortlessly.
Then one day the younger friend came a little early at the bus stop. Her eyes kept searching for the other. “Oh! I am early and she is late,” she thought looking at her wrist watch. She waited till she couldn't wait any more. Days passed and the wait kept on going longer. She doesn't have a clue as to what happened to her because through all the conversations both of them forgot to exchange numbers and addresses.
She still worries about her and never forgets to send a silent prayer for her well-being. She has a speech ready to deliver whenever she meets her much-older friend and the first thing she has decided to do is to take her number. But she is still waiting to meet her. Hope she meets her soon because not a day passes when she a thought about her doesn't pass her mind.


(PS: My entry for the Friendship Day that just passed by. As usual I am late to wish few of my precious friends. Here's thanking you all for being there for me, always. )

Drop-me-now

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We, women are quite good at pulling people towards us. But what many men would have learned the harder or whichever way is the fact that “women are extremely efficient in pushing people away, far way from us”. And if you don't agree with me on this how about some “Drop-me-now” lines:

We are 'just' friends (even if we've held hands and had our moments together, even if the whole world saw us kissing passionately, even if you've spent most of your bank balance making me feel that am more than a 'just')
I am looking for a serious commitment only (you should run for your life because commitment could be scary with someone you've just met so what if it was a matrimonial site)
We should get married immediately (she doesn't have a job and trouble from parents too so marriage is the achieve-all thing for her at the moment while for you, oh you've just started)
I like to be in control (she means that it is her way or the highway now it is up to you to decide which way you want, if I were you I wouldn't have looked behind for all you know she might me holding a gun)
My parents want to meet you (and it is just your second date with her, you haven't even kissed her now her people are all set to kiss away your happiness with an investigation procedure soon to follow)
I think we are not meant to be together (this should be your wake-up call, it means she has found somebody richer, if not smarter and maybe more dumber)
Please give me some time to think about it (a lot of my people are not good with saying 'no' and this means she is on her way to think of ways of how to dump you)

And if you're still being hopeful...well...hope keeps the world moving. So do hope but then don't complain that nobody told you...

Show, show...what are you hiding?

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“See, now we can't even look at their face.”, complained a close friend of
the opposite gender who was very frustrated. Off course for a reason and that too a very valid one.
What do you do when the young or old women in my city has unanimously decided to cover their faces, the whole of it? Even the part that had to be left open (read the eyes) for practical reasons where sporting dark shades of all shapes. Can you still blame the men for feeling so disappointed?
I don't because what will they look at then? You can look at the greenery all around. You can anxiously look at the growing number of traffic and especially the mightier ones bullying themselves by getting too close to your comfort. But for how long? How will the guys keep their motivation running with all the fairer sex not even letting them the opportunity for a harmless glimpse?
More importantly why are the people of my tribe making so much effort to hide themselves behind those boring scarves? Imagine what would happen to us if we didn't have some handsome faces falling on our way to ogle at? Now, if you tell me that women don't stare, please get a life, gal!
We all stare and that is so human. We stare at the opposite sex whenever we get a chance, irrespective of our gender. Else they'll feel bad. Men and women alike, these days make so much effort to look good. And if we don't even make an effort to appreciate the hard work, that'll be so rude. Don't you think so?
So if the women in my city is reading this. You can surely do away with the unnecessary accessory. Otherwise why wear that new outfit or that special mascara, even that new lip colour if you don't have anyone to show it off.
The thing which scares me the most is the fact that will happen to us womankind if men take a tip from us and starts hiding behind those pale looking handkerchiefs? Just the way I saw a young guy today..couldn't even get a worthy dekko!

The saga behind a stare

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If you're a woman, you already know where I am coming from. But if you're a man, well get to know now!

At 2, when a girl is stared at, she goes all out of her way to get the admiration of her starers. She shows him all the trick that mommy must have taught her. Tricks like blink your eyes. Come on, open your tongue. Hey, where is your nose? And there she points at it through her fingers. The ones with a little higher intellect goes out of their way to even finish the lines of nursery rhymes her mom is starting with.
At 12, when a girl is stared at, she throws her attitude and tells the world “Yes, I know I am pretty.” She fixes her dress and tries to remove that unseen crease on her dress. She spends that little extra minute on the mirror. Admires the new curves in her body and tells herself that she has arrived. But the very next minute promises never to put on that extra flab and look like her mom. She is pretty and she will never get middle-aged or old, she promises herself. Better die than be seen with excess baggage.
At 22, when a woman is stared at, she checks the guy carefully. She must have created her very own check-list by now and goes matching the points. She looks for his bank balance and the vehicle he rides. She tries to probe on the salary figure, basically how many digits does it have. She might even encourage him for few conversations to find out whether he is for keeps. Because at this point of life she needs to settle down and arranged marriage is just not her thing. Overall she checks him out too, to find whether he is a nice catch.
At 32, when a woman is stared at, she feels the need to take matters in her own hand. If she is still single, the pressure is too much to handle. She has no time to waste. Chances are that the starers himself might get stalked for a while till his credentials come out in the open. And if she is married or in a relationship, she goes home to tell the hubby or the boyfriend that her market value is still on the steeper side. Puts her imagination to best use and takes the incident a little wee further. And I am sure the opposite sex does feel that she is a trophy to keep. Or maybe he curses the starer for not kidnapping her and taking her home.
At 42, when a woman is stared at, she feels having an orgasm. Wow! She stares back and her eyes are that of gratitude. It gives her a high that is indisputable to women all across the globe. She feels that she does exist. Her heart sings to the same song of youth. She never misses to compliment herself that despite her turning out to be just like her mommy, she still looks good. So what if the layers of flab are happily settled in the ever-broadening waistline, people stop and still take notice.
At 52, when a woman is stared at, come on we women don't have such disillusions in life! We know that you mean to look at the flashy car we travel in. Or you must be staring at the impressive solitaires comfortably placed that we fleeced from the hubby after years of nagging.
You are just jealous of our social standings because you don't have one and how dare we have it?

Monsoon Special

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Rain you ignited my emotions.
The romance and the long forgotten passion.
The fulfillment of unconditional surrender.
The warmth of the tightly held arms.

Rain you just kindled my hopes.
Of getting drenched in love.
Of living life to the fullest.
Of the touch to heal the heart.

Beyond everything, of moments that are far worth dying for...

So keep raining...till I get soaked
With love and much more...

Why the whys?

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Certain whys have never been able to find an answer from me and the more I try, the more distant it gets. Here is some from the list:

Why do women in our country still have to get married to settle down, even if she has the capacity to settle people around
Why do every man wants to marry someone who is beautiful (fair, slim with proportional vital stats), what will happen to the numerous just average girls
Why do people judge others all the time, when we do have qualified judges to give their hearing efficiently based on knowledge (not to forget the fast track cases)
Why is it that a single woman is always thought as available, even if she manages to get a restrain order from the highest authority of law
Why does the salary park itself so reluctantly in my account and drives to other accounts within few days, even if I-and-only I so eagerly wait for its arrival
Why do we never get what we really crave for, somebody else is always the better deserving in most times
Why does your love interest is interested in everything but you
Why do some never have it easy in life while some have a roller coaster life where the joy never ends
The whys keep intriguing more and more so much so that I begin to wonder if the problem is with me being such a slow learner in life. If you have answer to any of the whys don't feel shy, do drop in your answer...

Why should boys have all the fun?

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“But I kicked him out,” said she and giggled. “It is me who makes decision here and it is my way or I show them the highway,” she continued.
Now before you are too scared. Fear not. There are too many perks involved in being with her. And that is precisely the reason that she changes the men in her life with more ease than most women (like me) can afford new footwear. The best part is that there is no constraint. Age, religion, caste, marital status blah blah holds no bar. All she wants is just to live for the moment and have some good fun. And why not she doesn't need a man to support her? She is hot and not old. She is established. Sexually independentl and at times too much to handle.
The best part is that here is a woman who knows her mind. “I am not looking to marry them,” she clearly pronounces. Well, isn't she then every man's delight? But hey! Why do the exit happen at such regular intervals? Why does the search for the next man happen so random? Why does the sadness of loneliness and insecurity reflects in her eyes? Why is she the first one to come to work and the last to shut down (even when there is no work)? Why does her laughter never co-ordinate with her eyes?
Whoever thought that she is a rare specie, well, look harder. She is growing in numbers and statistics. She is the new, single woman. Afraid to commit. Scared to share her space. Madly in love with her independence. Yet doesn't have much hangs up to express her sexuality and fulfill her needs. Successful and intelligent. But alone, all alone...

Pyaar Hua...Ikrar Hua

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The good old days of romance will never be back and it is depressing. Now, I come from a family which is renowned to have successful love stories running for generations. Exceptions do exist and please don't embarrass me by probing any further. Well, that's another story.
The stories run deep in my family yet with every generation the essence of love is getting diluted. Now, I don't know how the main characters in the stories feel about it but sidies like me who are mere spectators feel disappointed.
To begin with the technology-edge have really been a spoilt sport. What happened to the days of good old letters? When people became pen friends first and wrote just letters to each other for months before even catching a glimpse. Here we are when emails, smses and mobiles just kill the thrill of suspending romance. Will love letters die an unnatural death? Hey, come on guys! You can do better. Keep writing letters and preserve each one of them to pass onto the next generation.
Web cams is another culprit of the present days. The days when lovers use to cycle out miles or traverse through various difficulties just to meet the significant other. How can web cams etc. give you the charm of meeting the special one after waiting for days and planning meticulously to avoid onlookers?
The worst spoiler is our broadminded upbringing. We are the generation of instant gratification. Let us check each other out first seems to be the new mantra. Can we compensate for the romantic era of holding hands and just staring at each other as if the world has just passed by? Things would go with the flow and just a glimpse of the someone special would be enough to sustain the other.
People would just elope and financials were overlooked but does it happen in these days? We train ourselves to fall in love with someone who is comfortable. So no scope for rebel or the ideal story of rich girl meeting a poor guy and vice versa. No running. No resistance. The concept of love cum arranged is the new arrangement where everyone is happy. Now it is not that I am complaining. Who am I to complain and for what do I raise my voice? But wish the flavour of those days romance do make a successful comeback where to love was never a well-thought arrangement. It just happened...

Happy Father's Day!

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Father's Day sneaked past and I had nothing special to speak to my baba (dad). Quite embarrassingly it was way past afternoon that I even remembered the occasion which is very usual of me. I am oh-so-miserable with dates.
I wanted to say many things to him but the minute I heard his voice, my thoughts evaporated and my message got lost somewhere. Can't blame anyone, my growing up days were different from the present generation. Being the only man in the household, we all loved him yet he commanded a respect which kept us distant from him. He was dearly loved but kept at a comfortable distance out of respect for the position he held as the “Head of the family”. Maa was more accessible and Baba was like the demi-God in the household whom everybody worshiped.
This is to let you know that my life wouldn't be the same without u, baba. Just because I don't open up to you doesn't mean that I don't care or love you any less. Be there for me like you've always been.
Here's a list of things for which it's time to say thanks:
For making me sit on that small red seat on your cycle which you specially got made for me and taking me everywhere with you
For burning the midnight oil with me after work to ensure that I clear my first Board Examination with passing marks in Maths
For pushing me out of home and preaching me all the way to fight my own battles, so what if I am a girl
For telling me countless times (despite my irritation) to be careful while crossing the road and in life knowing how I always tend to invite accidents
For never compromising with my education and putting me to the best of schools even if that meant forgoing a lot of luxury in life
For wishing the best for me and finding a life partner (even if the decision went wrong somewhere)
For being there for me when I am at the worst phase of my life and sometimes fighting hard for me with the rest of the world
For warning me everyday to be cautious and bombarding me with questions just to clear my mind
For calling me without fail whenever I am down and out just to tell me that I belong to you
Thank You! Baba, for being in my life. For letting me know that I'll always be your child no matter what. For trusting me with the biggest decisions in my life.
Life wouldn't have been the same without you. Guess that is why the Almighty made Fathers in this world to make life a little more easy for many daughters like me.
Keep healthy always because we need our fathers no matter where we go.
Happy Father's Day to all the dads and my dad too!

Geek and gossip: The Road-ies!!

Geek and gossip: The Road-ies!!

The Road-ies!!

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My city H is still coming to terms with women drivers. The general opinion about my tribe is that we don't know how to drive. Either we are over cautious or too scared to face the road. But, hey!! What about women who don't fit the bill? Women who are fiery and driving through a hectic schedule. Indeed we are misfits and the reactions we generate ranges from being annoying to hilarious.
On the road in my city is a big battle. Everybody and anybody is in great hurry as their entire existence depends on cutting your way and taking the turn just an inch before you. So how does my city and my people here deal with outcasts like us:
They stare and stare and stare, sadly even when you look at them they are unfazed. Even sadder the fact that the glares come mostly from unwanted sources (not even a pleasant face to mistakenly feel good about it)
The pedestrians feel that your mode of transport is an exclusive gift from the Almighty while the tyres are made of an out-of-the-world material so they have all the liberty to catwalk right infront (thinking that even when you hit them, it wouldn't hurt at all)
The more adventurous lot try to scare you by coming too closer and when you aren't they get dejected and freeze right infront of you (perhaps testing your vocabulary competency in hurdling abuses else you know you'll lose touch of the bad words)
Beware because some of them can fall in love with you immensely and might feel that it is their duty to follow you everywhere (even at places where your telecom provider fails to extend its network)
The more chauvinist types would simply shake their head when you overtake them and might give you a long lecture if you happen to stop by on why women should stay away from roads (ditto on why women should stay away from workplaces)
Some experiences are too original and people specific. Do let me know if you some of those unique experiences to share. Finally a message to my city people: Please get used to the idea that there are exceptions to every rule and we, women on the road make it a pleasing site, if nothing else, what say?

Just another day!

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The day began just as usual. A busy Monday with the blues striking high. The morning was as expected. The usual distasteful yet healthy gulp of the cereals courtesy the after affect of getting up late. Then she maneuvered her away to work amidst the screeching horns and the reckless driving because it is Monday and everybody is in hurry.
And what a start she told herself. The series of meetings and the blame-me-not games played. The shabby work of some where the only saving grace was the solitary location of her cabin where she can hide her face and pretend the world didn't exist. She knew nothing is going to change. She is young getting older, reasonably good looking, successful to an extent yet single. Soon she'll reach her expiry date and be declared a spinster for life.
Everyday the frantic calls from the desperate parents didn't make life any more pleasant. She too wanted somebody to come home to. Somebody to hold her tight and wade off the odd dreams. Somebody to tell her, “Honey! Don't worry it's all right to grow old because I would still love you. It's all right to put on the extra kilos because I'll always be madly in love with you. It's all right to not look good in some days because you'll always be beautiful to me.”
But knew things might not change and the way the week looks it won't change. She has no life because she chose not to have one. She pretended to be busy and loaded with work because she had no one.
Will the week bring a new change of events? Hope is all she has...and let's hope that her hope remains alive and she is able to survive one more week.
Here's wishing her and many more like her the very best!

The Yesterday

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Yesterday, the 19th of April was exactly the day I was born some years ago. I was never the one to celebrate it with much gusto rather I am so forgetful with dates that you got to believe me when I tell you that I even forgot mine again some years back. That time I was with mom who reminded me:
(a) Because I was her first child
(b) Because she bore me for 9 difficult months
(c) Because I wasn’t an easy delivery
This was the first time in life that I was away from anybody related through birth or otherwise. I anticipated with much apprehension of the tough day ahead. The entire month has not been particularly smooth for me so I had no high hopes from this particular day.
Yet, I was taken for some pleasant surprise. The friends in this city which snatched a lot from me pulled it through. And I scored high on my self-confidence. They made me feel special. They made me feel wanted. And most importantly they made me feel family. They showered me with messages. They kept my phone busy most of the time with random calls. Even went out of their way to lift my spirits. A special mention to M who left her own family to spend the night at my place. She even treated me to mouth-watering kebabs for dinner. Another M and her sons even offered to bake a cake for me. I refused though because my work stood on the way. Wishes came from every quarter of life and my phone kept ringing.
What would I’ve done without you guys? You’ll always remain special and you made me believe that I am not alone here.
As for those who didn’t wish me (some were eagerly awaited and I kept waiting just to hear their voices), I have no complaints. A pang of disappointment did surface but I guess I am too old to hold it against anyone.
Today, I am a day older and coming to terms with a lot of change.
Thank you all for being there and making my yesterday not so difficult to survive!

The Lost

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“But I love you a lot and you’re my world,” said she. She needed him in her life more than anything else. She did everything for him. Everything you could ever imagine. Every morning when she looked at herself in the mirror she asked, “Will he like me today?” She dressed the way he liked. Tied her hair the way he approved. Perhaps even smiled the way he wanted.
Every night she waited for him to come home and especially to her. She stood in the balcony trying to catch a glimpse of his even when the mosquitoes feasted on her blood. “Who cares?” she told herself. And when he touched her she told herself, “Now even if death takes me away right at this moment I’ll have no regrets.”
She spent many nights chatting with him yet never got tired of listening to him. People thought that she is mad. Mad she was but only for him.
Then came a day when her world turned upside down. He made an exit from her life. Without a word he simply disappeared. Perhaps her fault was that she was completely lost in love. And couldn't find her way back without him.
Today, you might still find her in the street calling his name. Holding an old photograph she might ask, “Have you seen this man?”

Letter from a daughter

Dear Maa,

I am your child and you made me what I am today. You taught me lessons that do not exist in any textbook. Lessons that are learnt only through living life.
“You are a girl,” you kept reminding all the while. You spent hours teaching the goodness of selflessness, more so because I am a daughter in this world.
You started feeding me with tales of everlasting love. Of the Prince who would come in his shining armor to rescue the hapless Princess. Of happy endings where people lived happily ever after.
And then I grew up believing in them. I kept looking for my own happy ending. I too believed that nice things do happen to nice people. I patiently waited through all hardships of life. I took them all with the belief that “this too shall pass”.
But reality has been something else. The turbulence never seems to end. Each day I wake up thinking today will be different.
Mom, why didn’t you tell me that fairies never exist? Why didn’t you tell me that dreams never come true? Why didn’t you tell me that happy endings are not for real? Why didn’t you tell me that no good is waiting even if you be good?
Next time when you raise me up. Don’t give me stories that I start believing in. Don’t give me hope because it pains when hopes crash. Just tell me plain that I have to suffer for reasons not known. And I have no reason to dream because I am a girl born in this world. Give me everything but not hope.

With a lot of desperation from a daughter you might have known.

Wishing all the women

Today is the day,
For Rupa who never realized how beautiful she is
Because she is dark and fat,
Because no one gave her a second look.
This day is to let you know that you will always be beautiful.

Today is the day,
For Priya who never realized how lovable she is,
Because her parents wanted a son instead of her,
Because the husband was too busy in affairs of his own,
This day is to let you know that you are loved a lot.

Today is the day,
For Saraswati who never got a chance to fulfill her dreams,
Because girls have no business as important as marriage,
Because girls don’t need to study too hard,
This day is to let you know that nothing is impossible for you to achieve.

Today is the day,
For women all over the world to realize that they are special,
Because they have the courage to go against the tide,
Because they have a heart which never stops loving,
This day is to celebrate that womanhood.
This day is to take a pledge to never stop being a woman.

Happy Women’s Day to you all!!

Watch your word!

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“Hey, fatso!” the young boys screamed at my companion while speeding their bike right beside her. It caught me unaware and I pushed her towards my side fearing her safety.
Yet, the lady in question was totally undeterred and relaxed. Rather she told me to take a deep breath and stopped me from shouting back (curbing my natural instinct in the process).
Not once did I see her sulking or embarrassed, which is quite the opposite with me. You would have found me writing furiously on the weight factor. Who knows I would have stretched it much beyond by conducting a public poll on my weight factor.
The very next morning I found her at my doorstep asking me to go shopping with her. With my precious weekend just beginning to start, I was in every mood to say “no” if yesterday’s incident wouldn’t have happened in our lives. Retail therapy is a rather popular way of killing depression, I am told.
So, off we went for shopping without a clue of what was waiting for me in particular. She told me about her pledge while I was behind the wheels. Else, I would have faked a headache and ran for life. Only last night she came to the conclusion of loving herself (before loving anybody else). And the best way was to indulge in a perfect pair of denims. Says who, don’t ask me, I have no clue.
But the only issue that she quite conveniently overlooked was the fact that she was “supremely overweight”. I can’t call her fat because my manners won’t let me do that. And the other problem was that the last time she wore a pair of denims was before I was born. My level of confidence was fading while her level of enthusiasm was peaking.
The round to the various malls was a pain I could prefer to forget but wishes are not horses. And that very day I realized how underpaid is our sales guys. I was a mute spectator to the tortures these oh-so-patient sales guys were put through. The trial for that perfect denim started from size 32 and went till the sales guy cried out, “this is the last size we have”. Hope the Almighty forgives me from not saving the desperate. But, dear God, you know how helpless I was!
And each time we came out from the shops, the lady excitedly proclaimed,
“That denim was perfect but just a little tight on my waist.” She continued with her explanation, “You know I don’t wear tight stuff (like you all) otherwise it was just alright”.
I told my prayers and kept shuffling until it was late and her feet gave way. All I got to hear was that they have stopped making denims for real women anymore. That night I hit my bed and wished that those boys should never be able to utter the word “fat” in their lives.