The knot – tight or loose?

Lots have been written on the difference between both the sexes. It’s a topic that never ceases to go out of fashion.
One stark difference I chanced upon between men and women is the perception about “marriage”. The marriage season never goes out of season in my country and I do encounter a lot of newly-weds on my business of living. The women are all bejeweled with every inch of their body covered in expensive gems and stones. The hands proudly display their newly attained status with more than dozen of bangles while the neck flashes the diamonds. Her every moment is made in an attempt to catch attention. She has the airs of a star and quite obviously she manages to attract the attention of quite a number of women. The married ones look at the jewellery pieces and try to gaze her financial position while the unmarried ones look at her in sheer envy, hoping to be in her shoes soon. Often, I have caught many unmarried ones making faces at the new wives. One good look and you could read their mind which shouts “When will my turn come”?
Quite opposite is the men’s take on marriage. They sympathize at the newly wedded couple where the husband is jostling with excess luggage (courtesy his wife’s shopping) and the woman looks blissfully happy, adding finishing touch to her already heavily made-up face. The much experienced men don’t shy away from giving the man their heartiest condolences through the unspoken expressions. And few brave hearts, even mutter their best wishes to the man for the luck he needs to walk through the marriage.
The remarkable approach speaks it all. Marriage implies different connotations to both the genders. In India, marriage is a road to freedom for the middle-class urban woman especially if she is living in a nuclear set-up. She can cook what she pleases and run errands, whenever she wants without an explanation. She runs the household without taking permission and goes shopping without being budgeted. Even socializing in the husband’s absence doesn’t seek any explanation. Atleast superficially, she lives free till the husband is in office. She is happy to make the most of it in the bargain of marriage and this keeps her happily-married. So what if she isn’t financially independent but she does have the scope to make some pocket money or steal few bucks from the husband’s pocket. And if she is really lucky, she ends up with a man who will happily bring his salary to her and even let her boss around. This newly acquired freedom is what the woman looks upto her entire life and what the unmarried ones aspire for. So, can we blame our women to look upto marriage?
For the men, marriage is the road that leads to ‘the end’. Till marriage, they were under the pampering of their mothers who were over-feeding and under-asking questions. They could come and go anytime because they were free. All the education and domestication were the expected KRA’s of the future wife. And society proudly announced, “Let him get married then he will change.” Even the parents would give him a free hand saying, “Let him enjoy till he gets married.” Now, when the society grooms men so anti-marriage how can you expect them to love it?
Whatever little remained unsaid were fully expressed through actions by the new bride. From the day she enters his life, he has to answer her. Whole day she calls not by his name but by screaming, “Are you listening ji?” The story doesn’t end there. He has to take her shopping, something he just despise. Suddenly, he can’t look at other women because the wife keeps watching him all the time. He has to not only share his bed but TV channels and even his bank statement with her. Sad part is that she doesn’t want to share the good things like his huge porn collection, playboy magazines, sports channel, chilled beer, chaddi buddies etc. It would have been still better if the matter would have stopped there but she bullies him to forego all these. Aww! So marriage begins with a lot of giving ups and what for, “free sex and freedom lost?” He regrets on being married and gets sadistic pleasure on seeing other men changing their status. “Why me alone?” he smiles in sarcasm.
Both the genders have reasons to their beliefs. It is intelligent not to blame them because such is life.

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Beware we bite

And if you thought that it’s only dogs that bite, you are not exactly right. Women of the human species do bite. They bite only during a specific time of the month when nature takes a toll on them. The worldly tag it as “menstrual cycle” but it’s much more than only two words can describe. The cramps block their feeling of self-worth and suddenly a woman awakens to the fact that “it’s a MAN world”. But the rebel in her is hard to pacify so she goes on a noble cause of making a place for women (like her). Don’t know about the whole world but she does try to shake things around her. Ask any man who has to live with her during those days and he’ll have his own horror stories to instill the fear-factor.
If she goes through so much discomfort, she does ensure that people around live in some uneasiness. She tosses, turns and cries. The pain might leave her at times but depression doesn’t. Any form of human touch is shunned down brutally and don’t even try to come close to her. She wouldn’t shy away from heralding few abuses or hitting you hard (where it hurts the most). She suddenly transforms into the “Chandi” that every man is scared off.
• The bosses are scared to give her work in fear of being getting burnt by irritation
• The spouses try to make themselves invisible and even the most forgetful ones remember the tentative dates in preparation for Emergency rule
• Sex becomes a taboo and affection faces curfew for few days without any relaxed hours
• The sub-ordinates plan calculative leaves to avoid proximity to the shoot-out area
• The friendly street dogs can sense some trouble and stay away from wagging their tails
• The house-helps noiselessly finishes the allocated tasks and avoids all interaction
• The neighbours finish their business quietly without a word
• Even the woman feels it would have been easy to be a man
Life tries to run as quietly as it can but the hormones fight for change. She erupts at slightest reasons or sometimes for no-reason at all. World fails to empathize and that is why they have only one word to define call “period”. It is more than a period for women, a period that makes them all the same. Irritable, dangerous and not easy to live with. But every woman just needs the same thing-love. Love which is unconditional and platonic in kind because those are the days when she can’t bring herself to love the self she was born to.
So, is it too much to ask if she begs you to bear with her for those few days when she stands by you for the rest of the month? The past too granted her leave from the daily chores during this phase. Our mothers and their mothers have tales to support. They narrated numerous rituals of secluding the women and putting restriction on her movements. She was barred from entering the kitchen, religious places and food were room-served to her. In certain ways, it was a dictatorial society where women were sheer subjects. But if you look at it from today’s busyness, it sure did give our women some respite from the daily hardships. Seclusion meant some time for her to relax and take a break from bearing the load of running a socially active household. Maybe, that was an indirect goodness that women enjoyed out of social evils.
To implement the older methods of living isn’t realistic neither would it be morally right especially when women have become a major contributor in the economic status of the household. Hence, official offs and taking rest isn’t plausible. So she goes taking such days as it come, disgruntled and exhausted. While men teasingly comment, “Oh! She might be going through those days of the month.”


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How mean!

“I am angry so don’t talk. When I’m angry I’m not hungry so don’t bother me,” said she. He took her words very seriously and stayed away from her.
The next morning she felt better and hungry. She confronted him, “You didn’t even ask?” She continued, “I know you don’t care about me anymore.”
He was confused. He resisted, “I care and so I followed your instruction.” Now, you couldn’t blame him. His experiences of women were limited. The only woman he had in his life before her was his mother. His mother always expected him to follow his orders without any question. And he did exactly the same, listened to her without a word. Then why the fuss?
The entire week she sulked. Never let him forget and forgive. That would have still been okay if she wouldn’t have carried the bitterness to bed. She made him sleep hungry every night for few weeks. Finally when her mood changed, he was happy in the belief that the past was forgotten.
Then one day he learnt a new lesson.
He came back early to surprise her. And he himself got the surprise of his life. He found an unknown man in his house. The man hurriedly left without a word.
He was angry and asked, “Who was this? What is he doing here with you?”
She coolly replied, “Remember the last time when I complained about you being busy and not spending enough time with me?”
He didn’t have much clue because he couldn’t remember.
She took her time to reply, “You don’t remember, do you? Anyways, you said to find another man who can spend enough time with me because you’re busy supporting me.”
He went pale, “So?”
She patronizingly answered, “I followed your instruction without a word just like you followed mine when I get angry.”
That day he learnt that women never forget neither do they forgive.
So, men, watch your words carefully when you’re with women.



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Which stage are you in?

PHASE 1.
I just want her to be mine, forever. God, please I won’t ask you for anything else.
He is the one for me. I will leave non-veg if he says yes. God, please just this one thing for the last time.

PHASE 2.
I am so lucky. She is the best. Thank You, God!
He is the one I’ve been waiting for so long. Thank You, God for sending him!

PHASE 3.
Why do you take so much time to dress up? We’re always the last to reach. Oh God!
Why don’t you put the toilet seat down? Why do you create so much mess? Oh God!

PHASE 4.
She was just fine when we met. I just can’t recognize her anymore. Why God?
Do I look fat? I know you think I’m ugly. But you weren’t like this when we met. Why God?

PHASE 5.
You must spend some time with your parents. What will they think of me that I don’t let you go?
But who will take care of you if I go? And what makes you think that I’ll let you have those bachelor parties in my absence?

PHASE 6.
I can’t live with her. Oh God! Why didn’t you make me see?
I wish I could leave him if kids weren’t there. Oh God! Why did you send this man to me?

PHASE 7.
Did you take your medicines? Are you feeling alright? God! She has to get okay for me.
Who will take care of him in my absence? God! He can’t even find his towel without me.


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The fairy tale love

I need some love, today. Some real, unconditional love.
• Love that would eagerly wait for me and greet me with a warm hug
• Love that would follow me everywhere and make me feel special
• Love that will tell me that I’m the most beautiful so what if I’m dark and fat
• Love that wouldn’t depend on the way I smell
• Love that won’t leave my side even when I go to the restroom
• Love that shows in the eyes and needs no word to express
• Love that doesn’t shy away to kiss me every 5 minutes
• Love that doesn’t seek answers and saves me from despair
• Love that cures my depression of being unloved
• Love that makes me look forward to going back from work
• Love that tells me you’re my world even without uttering a single word
• Love that just makes me feel good about being loved
Maybe that love can’t buy me diamonds. Or buy me expensive gifts. Maybe that love can’t buy me worldly pleasures.
Maybe all this is too much to ask. Maybe it’s time to have a dog. Because only a dog can give you so much love. Even without being asked…


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What women needs

I learnt (from experience) that being a woman isn’t easy. And writing for a woman about a woman isn’t easy, either (thanks to a client). We, women are so difficult to please.
Be it the corporate or the personal spaces, we women are no easy job to handle. Maybe, nothing came easy and hence we are on a mission to ensure that nothing gets any easier for others. The flight for equality hasn’t been a smooth ride and whatever seat we’ve managed to get, we want to tighten our seat belts to a suffocating success. Just to make sure that irrespective of the flights fate, we do manage to land unscathed and unhurt. Well, isn’t it an impossible task? I say impossible because we’re humans and we are sure to make mistakes. So why push ourselves so hard that we become Godly? Don’t we have enough Goddesses to worship and spare the country of add-ons?
I don’t know about others, but as a woman I don’t ever wished to be worshipped. All I want is to be recognized as a human being with similar needs and wants like my male counterparts. I don’t need reservations because that is upfront discrimination, when I think I am no less than a man then why treat me special?
Yes, reservations are required though, not for the urban women like me but for the less-urban women in my country who are seeking independence, emotional and financial. The urban woman has acclaimed her financial freedom. Most of us are in pursuit for emotional freedom. Freedom to lead the life they want, freedom to do things without being questioned, freedom to demonstrate love without the fear of what the society will say and many other freedoms.
But the sad part is many women like me in their quest for freedom have stopped acknowledging the fact that they are different from men. They have stopped being themselves trying to ape the stronger sex. A woman is unique in her own ways and what she brings to the table is something only she does. Trying to be tough is her call but just to succeed like a man is a futile effort. Why can’t she be her own self and still succeed like the way only she can?
In our journey to prove to the world that we ain’t any less, let us not lose ourselves and find ourselves in the missing files. Let us not get so cold that even the best of forces can’t track us down.
Don’t forget to be a woman, women!

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