Oh no! Not again…

Some people just love to give “gyaan”. Hours and hours of lecture on anything and everything. Be it the office meetings or personal ones. They never miss the slightest chance to preach. Whether people are asking for it is immaterial as long as they get an opportunity to display the greatness through tortuous hours of sermons.
Believe it or not, the higher we climb up in life, the higher inclination to preach. And the lowly mortals (for reasons of their own) are held captive to long speeches. The circle is vicious, hence, when these lowly mortals, get their time, they preach downwards to find closure to their torture. The idea is not to do good to someone, but, rather to inflict what you’ve suffered.
Even funny is the fact when people give you personal advice without knowing you personally. Sometimes you can’t resist fearing the repercussion of non-adherence to authority. So all you do is nod and nod some more. Because if you don’t you will have to suffer added hours of torture. Wonder why didn’t Hitler use this technique in his concentration camps? How could he miss such an effective weapon?
The sufferings are sure to get worse if you have the company of someone who is a good orator. Communication skills can be a burden then as the orator would love to practice the skills on you. Haven’t you heard, the more you practice the better you get? So be aware when in the company of people who speak well.
The best part about these “gyaanis” is that they can build everything in air like a castle, an international career for you, country’s future, rupee hike, inflation fall etc. You name it and they can do it. But they come with a big term and condition (as most retail outlets selling Hot Sale Deals where the word ‘upto’ is hideous). Their rule is simple, they build only through big talks. They are forever on planning mode and have no time to think of worldly details like execution.
Another point of observation is that it is always their way or no way. They think they have the best solution even when you haven’t asked them for one. Quite obvious, when the Earth rotates according to their advice, how dare you to refuse this precious commodity? Nothing is more knowledgeable to them than themselves. They go to the extent of preaching the little Master of Indian Cricket on how to hold the bat, the Tagore of literature on how to hold the pen, the Maradona of Soccer on how to launch a kick and so on. Then who are we?
The preachers come in all age, shape, size and gender. The minute they open their mouth, you just know you’ve run into one. They don’t charge a penny for their service but can render you redundant if you keep listening to them for long. Don’t ever expect them to help because they are incapable to act. They don’t like disagreement so keep agreeing to whatever they say to safe your sanity. If you don’t, well, risk the chance of losing your mind.


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Are we educated enough?

“Hey, chinki!”The guys screamed at the two girls from North-east origin. The girls so used to the term did what they always did, simply ignore the lusty eyes. This was a regular scene some ten years back in the Delhi University area where a large population of the North-eastern came to get educationally-equipped.
The recent case in the capital where a young life was lost due to a racist brawl, tells a tale of stagnant times. When technology is changing lives, global education is expanding our horizons, middle class is gaining power- our awareness about our own country hasn’t increased. India is a land of diversities. How sad is that we Indians are so challenged in our knowledge about our own country? And this has been happening from times immemorial.
In Delhi, anybody from the North-east is termed as “chinki” courtesy to the similarities of their physical features with people from China. People from South are termed as “madrasi” because to the north, only Madras now Chennai, exists in the south. People from East are called “Bangladeshi” because of language similarities although “Bangladesh” is not even a part of sovereign India. And amazingly these are some of the popular perceptions of the educated lot in the capital.
The complete lack of knowledge about India persists in the corporate culture too. I was once shocked to hear a colleague confidently declaring that Gujarat is a part of Chennai. And when corrected, he seems too reluctant to acknowledge the blunder. If this is the state of general knowledge in the capital of the country, God bless those from the remotest areas.
Indians, world-wide are a huge number to reckon with. Many people of Indian origin are making it big in their respective careers (without being discriminated). At the same time, many lament about the racism they have to counter in their daily routines. Media brings those cases to highlight and we unite in discontentment. But what about the rapid racism our own people have to go through just because the larger lot is geographically-challenged? What about the complete lack of apathy towards people who have migrated from their place of birth to the big cities for better opportunities?
Maybe our education system needs to be re-structured to include a more basic knowledge about the country which is home to people of interesting diversities. Till the time we fail to know each other well, nothing can be attained. Till the time, our own people keep meeting such end, in their own country, future looks bleak.
Let’s atleast get to know each other better before we venture out to pick international accents, international cuisines, international careers. Because without knowing our own people well, we just can’t know the world, better.
Hope the eve-teasers stop teasing Northern-eastern women with a term they have no link to. Hope our knowledge of South grows beyond Madras (which has ceased to exist long time back). And pray, we don’t claim another country (Bangladesh) as ours because we have enough population of our own to adopt the people of a neighbouring nation.

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Have you failed?

Sometimes it’s just not enough. No matter how much you stretch, how well you crack or how well you present-you fail. And whatever age you are in, you just hate failures. Failures feel the same. They hurt badly, much worse than the cuts of an accident.
The many failures of our lives that we have to deal with, the pain still persists for most:
• Failure to express and you see the special one being stolen away by somebody else
• Failure to make the relationship work, no matter how hard you tried
• Failure to say “no” and keep toying with other’s ideas knowing it’s bound to bounce
• Failure to negotiate your happiness (for me my salary too at most times)
• Failure to get a break of your choice even when you’ve given your best shot (like I lost St. Stephens on just 1 mark)
• Failure to attract the one you’re attracted to and attracting the ones you want to evade (why does love, love the triangle shape?)
• Failure to kill people with killing looks (why do lookers have it so easy?)
• Most importantly, the failure to launch – making people realize that you’ve arrived (why can’t everybody be a hit like the Khans of Bollywood?)
• Failure to write because you want to write (why does it take so much of an effort to get an idea, I mean the real one not some mobile service provider)
• Failure to save the loved ones from diseases and witness them perish right infront of our eyes
• Failure to ask anyone for anything while the rest of the world enjoyed the gains as they’ve demanded openly (for me I’ve never known the delight of spending pocket money because I’ve never asked for it)
• Failure to ask people for help because we’ve been taught to do things on our own


Sharing the failures isn’t easy. The pain doesn’t go but it certainly lightens the burden carried by the soul. Try it, it works!


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A love story

“When was the last time you brought me flowers?” she questioned him tearfully. “You don’t even remember what day is it, do you?” she continued.
He had no answers because he didn’t have any. He never thought that it was such a big deal for her.
She was very depressed because it was Valentine’s Day. Her friends and colleagues had all plans fixed for them, well in advance. And here she was hoping the man would remember the day and bring something for her. He disappointed her tremendously.
When he came back from work, she greeted him in anticipation. She thought he is planning to surprise her. She thought he would take her out for dinner. She didn’t even change thinking they would have some plans tonight. She kept hoping and waiting.
On the other hand, he changed quickly and sat down to unwind with his favourite sports channel. He was busily watching a re-run of a soccer match and cheering at stuff, she had little clue about. She hated sports and especially soccer. Ten years of being together and yet she couldn’t gather the fun part of watching replays, again and again.
She was heartbroken by 8 and reluctantly entered the kitchen to fix dinner. Her over-confidence had made her give an unwarranted leave to the cook tonight. The good-old-khichri was the only resort. “Who eats khichri on a Valentine’s evening?” she cried to herself.
Just then, the man happened to make an entry to grab his beer. He was shocked to see her in tears. “It surely isn’t that time of the month, then, what did I do wrong?” he introspected.
He frightfully patted her to find out. Right then, the volcano erupted. There was no point of return for him. He knew from experience the virtues of silence. He put the idiot box on mute and tried to not make any sound. He quietly, gulped the distasteful khichri because in her furry she had skipped the seasoning part. She didn’t realize because she skipped dinner. He knew well not to insist too much.
Next morning, when she got up, he was at the gym. She struggled to get out. Her stomach was making that infamous growling sound. She hurried to the kitchen. And there, she found a wholesome breakfast waiting for her to pounce. She finished every bit of it but hunger was hard to satiate. Suddenly, she remembered of the left over khichri. Warmed it in the microwave and ate the first mouthful. The khichri was too revolting and she threw up.
Right then, he entered and she asked him “How did you manage to eat this?”
He replied, “With great difficulty, actually, but you were already so upset didn’t want to add to your woes.” He continued, “But why did you eat that I made breakfast for you?”
Her eyes grew moist and she ran to the comfort of his familiar arms.


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Watch out Women!

Despite the world changing, power of politics shifting, old icons replacing, new vehicles entering-there are old norms which are holding their grounds quite firmly. One that is still holding strong, are the mindsets of our women, shockingly even the younger lot.
Few reminders to the people of my tribe, irrespective of age, caste and creed:
• Just because you’re a woman, things won’t come easy to you. In the corporate world, women need to work equally hard with the men around so you can’t complain of cramps, devilish in-laws, unsympathetic husband etc. to win sympathies. Don’t even think about opening your personal problems at work. You’ll win their attention but you can’t win a promotion.
• You have every right to date and dump men till the point you would like to commit to someone. You have every right to explore your physical self and it simply doesn’t mean that whoever you sleep with should be the same person you wake up to for the rest of your life. There needs to be better reasons for you to stay committed to someone till the end.
• Start a family only when you’re ready. Doesn’t matter if your parents are ready, your in-laws are pushy; your neighbours are waiting or even when your partner uses protection reluctantly. Because you’ve to be ready for it. Afterall the kid is going to come out of your body and will need your time, space. Others are there to help but can’t shoulder the entire responsibility. Be sensible, use precautions, avoid accidents and take all the time you want. Age is a constraint agreed but then medical science has advanced and delivered miracles. And most important, if you don’t want to be a mother, it’s absolutely okay not to have a maternal instinct.
• When you have age on your side, the world is kinder to you. As you grow older, the world starts changing. And why the world, look inside, your body won’t be the same either. The wrinkles will gain prominence along with weight. Exhaustion will fall upon much quickly than before. So think of the future and plan ahead. Plan for your health, financial security and even the people you would like to grow old with.
• We are bad with numbers. We are extremely ignorant of various investment plans. Little we know and we don’t even want to know more, increasing our dependencies on men. But remember, nobody is indispensible. Get worldly-wise and get acquainted to the basics atleast to save yourself of trouble.
• Life is unpredictable. Today, there is somebody to pay your bills but what if tomorrow changes? So get equipped with education and pursue a career. Working isn’t about making money all the time but the satisfaction of making your own is beyond words. Never be with someone who stops you from getting financially self-sufficient.
• No man can bring you happiness. Happiness is within us and no external force can empower us to feel happy. Do things that make you happy. Be with people who make you laugh. Most important, you need to have a life and you can’t cling on to someone to give you one. So find your passion apart from work and keep some time for it, no matter how busy you get. Because if you ain’t happy how can you make others happy?
• You can’t make everyone happy so learn to deliver less and train people to expect less from you. Because we have a bad habit of committing more and then stressing beyond to deliver our commitments. In delivering those, we lose ourselves and fall last on our priority list.
• Never work in double shift at work and home. If you can’t manage, ask for help because only if you do, will you get some help. And it isn’t wrong to ask for help. Even Gods asked help from each other whenever they got stuck, remember?



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City of extremes

The weather in my city is extreme. Too hot to handle in summers and too cold to chill out in winters. Just like the temperament of the people here. I finished my education and a major part of life, here. A lot has changed since then just like my life.
I was born in a town that oozed of laziness (not any more though). A major chunk of my childhood was spent in the wilderness of tea gardens where elephants and leopards would greet us often. While a pair of snakes, maybe mates, were esteemed family members who refused to leave the ancestral home. They made their presence in every possible corner and had a fascination towards human nudity. Very often in the middle of a shower when you’re in your true elements, you would find them admiringly staring at you. You would freeze but dare not get out of the bathroom because you couldn’t risk go anti-culture. Nudity in our tradition is a big no even if means dying of snake bite in an isolated corner. I grew up amongst the wild, leaving a deep impact on my personality and hair. No matter what I do or where I am, both are impossible to be tamed.
Coming to the present, my city has changed drastically. The people taking cue from the weather has gone extreme. Crimes have gained an unprecedented popularity especially that relates to women. Rapes have gained a record-breaking high, so much so, that our conscience refuses to shock us every morning when we read one. We are so used to the lapse of security for our women. Maybe criminals are bored too committing other crimes, so when bored they just commit rape and more rape. Nothing is a bar to them, not even age. All that matters is that you are a member of the weaker sex and you have private parts too vulnerable to be violated.
Funny thing is that it isn’t about rape too. One mere look is sure to pierce your soul and send shivers down your spine. If you’re lost and stop to ask for direction, one look is sure to make you feel unsafe and automatically prayers starting coming to your lips. By evening, when the sun sets in, there is a sudden rush to reach safe venues else your dear ones are on the edge till you reach. Because gone are the days that security came with a male companion. It is just not enough if you have an escorting male member because both of you know that predators can attack, anytime. And frankly, numbers do count, how can He help you if he has to fight against a group of wild men? We are wise to know that those things happen in movies and not in real life. So though we profess of equality at all levels, there are no equal hours for working women. As we reach the wag end of the day, there is a natural rush to finish or delegate the task and it doesn’t have anything to do with competency.
The men of my city are naturally endowed with raging hormones and X-ray eyes which if put to good use can change the fate of our nation. But, the law enforcing forces are finding it hard to harbor the energies to better use. Even harsh court verdicts don’t deter their spirits. Wonder, how to handle them.
The language too has become harsher just like the temperament. People don’t know how to touch your heart and all they do is hurt you with words. They are ready to throw choicest of abuses at you, at the slightest excuse. And if you’re vocabulary is limited in terms of abuses, brush up else it might be difficult to decipher what most people talk here. Older days, abuses were liberally used by the uneducated aka the drivers, maids, slum dwellers but now they are embraced by all irrespective of age, caste, profession or whatever. Don’t be surprised by its liberal use among colleagues and clients.
It’s been a while that I’ve moved back but I’m yet to be greeted with a true homecoming feeling. Dear city and its people, if you’re reading, I sincerely request you to not change anymore because not all change is for better.

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Are you social?

A charming, successful and influential lady decided to end her life. She had everything you could aspire for. A career inside the boardrooms making pertinent decisions, a handsome husband with an upwardly mobile political graph, a charisma that took her to places. Yet, something terribly went wrong, something that triggered the decision to call it quit. What happened exactly is for the media to assume and for us to come to our own conclusions. However, the sad part is that a life ended and even after the end, there isn’t any dignity in her demise. Various news channels are running talk shows on speculation and making news of her failure.
How many of us do realize that what failed is the right to privacy? How many of us acknowledge the fact that it could happen to anyone? This is the outcome when you go public with your internal affairs. Instead of sitting together and discussing the problems, mistake was made by choosing a social website with millions of followers to follow your marital discord. I don’t know what would have been the best way because I don’t know the whole story and neither am I an expert on internal affairs. Perhaps the old school way could have saved one life. Not everything new is good nor everything old is uncool.
Now, is the era of going public and posting smallest of your feelings on social websites. Because this is the age of information so everybody in your friend-list is bound to know what you’re feeling today. Social websites openly ask “what’s in your mind” and we oblige with answers as personal as heartaches, headaches, stomachaches etc. Moreover, we take pride in posting our status messages rather than facing the problems. Life has become an open book for all to peep in. The world ought to know whom you date, whom you hate, what you ate even your decision to pro-create. Shocking, such is our age!!
People who refuse to keep it personal and don’t have an account in the various websites are branded unsocial and weird. Real friends are quickly getting substituted by online friends whom you haven’t met. You discuss problems openly with strangers and chat for hours without even meeting them once. And most of us are absolutely okay with it. Because who has the time to meet an old friend over tea/coffee? We are too busy to make time for people who know us well. Life has gone too practical and support comes online. Be it an educational degree or grooming tips or medical help, the world can be found over the net. Therefore, instead of old friends to catch up, it is more convenient to type for company. Afterall, it is completely acceptable to be unsocial and be social at the same time. But do think, could the technical process of exchange of mails ever substitute a warm hug from your dear ones? Or a smiley depicting a kiss, kiss away your sadness?
The way things are, it wouldn’t be surprising if in an interview you’re asked about how many friends you have, all you do is count names on the friend list and spell out the figures. Hey, so what if we haven’t met but you’re name features on my list. So what if I don’t know whether you exist at all but all that is important to me is your name, which features in my account. Now, it could be a pen-name or a pseudo name, who cares, as long as you respond with a ‘hi’ to my chats.
We proclaim that we are God’s best creation. We have tamed technology to our advantage. We rule this world and other animal species have to abide. We have created clones and even tried our hands being God. But we tend to forget that we are “animals” after all, most importantly “social animals” and we need our peers to make us continue living. That technology can’t replace human touch no matter how smart it gets.

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